Shattered Smiles
by Lucy Sienna
Summary: Can Luke learn to deal with life if Mara dies? Oneshot, no real placement on the SW timeline, just me in a sad mood.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, it belongs to Uncle George and Uncle Zahn.

Spoilers: None, I was just in a bad mood. Warning, Character death!

Summary: Can Luke deal with Mara's death?

**Shattered Smiles**

**By: Lucy Sienna**

"Luke!" Leia calls, but I don't turn, I don't reply.

"Kid, come back." I hear Han's voice joining Leia's.

They plead with me, tell me to slow down, turn around, stop, anything, but I can't. She's gone. There would be no more "farmboy", no more late night talks, no more hot chocolate, no more lecturing about being overprotective, no more Mara. The wildness of Yavin calls to me, I can get lost in there, no one will find me, no one will see, and I can be alone. That is my lot in life now, to be alone. She made me a good man, a good teacher, husband, and father, and now that she's gone, my life has no meaning.

I remember that day so well, every second clearly etched in my mind, and replayed over and over again, each time I closed my eyes. Mara and I were fighting a Sith master, I remember seeing his blade cut deep into her side, but she kept fighting. In my mind, I thought everything would be okay, that she was fine, but when she feel after we delivered the killing blow, I knew. In my heart I knew that this was it, she wasn't going to make it, this was the last time I'd ever speak to her, hold her.

I don't remember how I got to her, but I held her close as I felt her slip away, her presence fighting to stay in my mind.

"Luke, I love you. So much more than you know." Mara whispered, kissing me gently. "Please, tell the family I love them all and tell Mira and Cal how much I love them and that I will always be there for them."

"But not me?" I whispered, trying everything to save her as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Luke, I will always be with you." Mara whispered, cupping my face. "What makes you think I'd ever really be gone?"

"No, Mara, please, you can't leave me. I can't…I'm not me without you." I put a hand over hers. "Please."

"I'm sorry, my love, it's time." She said, her voice fading.

"Please, gods Mara, come back. I love you…I need you, please." I drew on every ounce of power I could and directed it at healing Mara.

"Goodbye, Luke." She whispered and died.

I pulled her into his arms and cried, not bothering to shield my emotions. Every Jedi and Force-sensative in the relative area felt the sheer pain eminating from my shattering heart. Leia later told me that she felt Mara's death and then felt as though her heart was being ripped from her chest. Most of the students felt her death and knew the pain they felt was mine. But I didn't care. Mira and Cal spent the most of the next few days in tears, unable to understand what had happened to both of their parents.

I pulled myself together, or at least, enough to be something of a father to my kids. It pained me to look at Cal, because his bright, shining eyes were identical to Mara's, and his temper so similar. But I struggled through with a lot of help. The funeral was three days later, and I soon became a wreck again as I saw Mara's body. She was wearing a beautiful white gown, with a sheer white sheet pulled across her beautiful face. She looked as though she could just open her bright green eyes and laugh at everyone for falling for her joke. But it was not to be. Leia spoke eloquently about her sister-in-law, and Wedge and Iella said a few words, with Kam running the ceremony. I didn't hear anything, didn't see anything, I was lost in my own world. Mara was buried and a monument placed at her tomb, a beautiful carved statue donated by the New Republic. I vaguely remember seeing Karrde, Corran, and Mirax, but the grief was still so near to them, they were struggling, as I was, to control their emotions. When they went to put my beautiful wife in the ground, I lost it.

"Luke!" Leia calls, but I don't turn, I don't reply.

"Kid, come back." I hear Han's voice joining Leia's.

I don't turn, I keep running. Its been hours now, and they've clearly given up the search, realizing that I have to be alone right now. I pull out my lightsaber and study it. It would be so easy, I realize, to join Mara. All I have to hold it against my heart and activate it, and the pain would end.

"Are you that selfish that you would leave Mira and Cal without a father?" A voice asked from behind me.

I turned to see the ghostly figure of my father standing behind me.

"Like you would know." I glared at him.

"I would know. I chose the easy way to deal with my pain, why would you, who have so many people who love you, throw that all away? Would Mara really want that?" He asked.

"No, but I am incomplete without her."

"What would happen to Mira and Cal if you killed yourself? What would they think?" He asked. "They've already lost their mother, do they have to lose their father because he can't deal?"

I paused, putting my saber down as I thought of my children…our children. Mira was going to be seven in a few weeks, Mara had found the perfect gift for our beautiful little girl. Cal was only three, and the only person who could keep his mother alive now…was me.

"Now you see. Its okay to grieve, my son, but you must be strong. Your heart may be broken, but the way to heal it is to see the smiles of those little ones again. You are the only one who can make them smile, you have to be the adult." Father shook his head. "Or must I wonder what happened to the man that my son had become?"

"He died with Mara." I snap, getting up and walking away.

"Then kill yourself, I don't want someone like you raising my grandchildren. Mara's children deserve better than you." With that, my father disappeared, leaving me to my thoughts.

I thought for a moment, my father's parting words still stinging. Then I heard voices again. This time, it was Corran and Mirax.

"Daddy?" A small voice said and I looked up to see my daughter, still in her black dress, tears in her eyes, looking at me with a look so much like her mother's. "Why are you hiding Daddy?"

"Daddy is just sad, sweetheart." I pulled my daughter in a hug. "I loved-I love mommy very much, and I miss her. Daddy's going to have a hard time for a few months, and he's going to need your help and he's going to help you."

"I love you, Daddy." Mira hugged me again.

"I love you too, sweetie. Come on." I scoop my daughter up and walk towards Corran and Mirax, towards the temple, towards a future without Mara, towards living for my children. I may never be truly happy, I will always miss her, but if there's one thing she's taught me it's not to run away from my problems, face them and move on. So, I'll face them, and with time, I'll regain a life.


End file.
